too bad you live with your parents still
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
