Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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