I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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