I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
