He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
