So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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