im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
