i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
