I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
