I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I came so hard my ears popped.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
