my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
