He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
