My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
