Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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