she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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