scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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