There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
