In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
