I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
