I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
