Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
