I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
