i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
