that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Im part way to drunk.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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