everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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