I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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