Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
