remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
