if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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