Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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