You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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