Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
