Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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