my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
