I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
