Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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