Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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