someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
