your thong is hanging out like whoa
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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