DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
