SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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