i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
