dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
