We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
