I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
