It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think I sprained my soul last night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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