Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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