she looked like the bat from fern gully.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
