bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
