I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
