we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
