I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
