oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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