If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize