just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
