all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
