When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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