how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
