Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
