He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
