The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
