She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
