I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
