Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
