Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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