i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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