I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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