Your dad touched me again.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
