turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize