Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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