jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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